Chad (cannibal) wrote,

The Night of the King's Castration

In honor of bagira's birthday, here's a little story in blank verse, which has been passed by word of mouth amoung drinking and singing groups since at least the 1950's, the origins are possibly older. I originally heard it from siemakalalis in the Blitztrinken Society, and can find references to it on the website for a retired RCAF squadron.
'Twas the Night of the King's Castration, and the Queen was having a Ball.
All the counts, viscounts and no-accounts were there.
Even the poor buggers who couldn't count were in the back row.
"Balls!" cried the Queen. "If I had to, I could be King."
"Balls!" said the Prince. "I have two but I'm still not King!"
"Balls!" said the Knave. "If I had five, I'd be a pinball machine."
And the King laughed. Not because he wanted to, but because he had two.
"What Ho?" asked the King.
"Ass ho'!" cried the Knave, and was thrown to the lions.
A lion took a bite of him, and the Knave said, "That tickles".
"What tickles?" asked the King.
"Testicles!" he replied, and died laughing.
The King returned to the Ball, and asked, "Where's the Queen?"
"In bed with diptheria."
"Diptheria! That Greek bastard's back again? Oh, shit!", cried the king.
And twenty thousand loyal subjects stooped and strained,
for in those days the King's word was law, and he ruled with an iron hand.
"Where's the Princess?" someone asked.
"Oh, fuck the Princess!" replied the King.
And fifty thousand loyal subjects were killed in the rush,
for in those days the King's word was law, he ruled with an iron hand,
and besides, the Princess was a comely wench.
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